I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
