I need help removing her.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Four minutes until I can fart!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
