best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
