I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
