Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
