ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
