I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
whose parrot is this?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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