I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
