I think my vagina is haunted
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
