remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
