Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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