She bit a glass in half.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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