I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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