i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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