At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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