I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
