I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
