I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
