i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
