New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
