please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
