This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
