Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
