**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
