But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
