rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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