There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
