So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
