Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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