I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's always time for handjobs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
