yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
