I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
