Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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