So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I think my fart just growled at me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
