are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
