so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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