I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
