Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
