So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you never un-have a 4some
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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