So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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