I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
