I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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