You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
