"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
