That's when you crack a 10am beer
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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