Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
