Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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