I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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