There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
