the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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