you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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