I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
