Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
