Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
