As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
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