My room smells like vodka and shame
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
