so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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