Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
