dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
